Reverse Culture Shock and Returning Home

Wow. It's been several months since I posted. All summer I kept meaning to write more and more about the aftermath of studying abroad. I could say I was busy, but honestly, I simply forgot.

My current state of affairs is as follows: I'm back at school for my final year. The first week of classes are over. I'm sitting on a couch in the theme house in which I live and am moderator of (read: kind of an RA). I am also procrastinating on homework, surprise!

So, to be blunt, adjustment to life back in the States was (and still is) rough. It's not particularly due to the cultural differences, but because of the fact that I spent four months away from nearly everyone I knew and loved, and nobody's life froze during that time. Things happened, friendships were made and lost, people moved forward, and I wasn't there to see or experience it with them. Don't misinterpret me, I knew this would happen, but returning and hearing everyone talk about things that occurred while I was away is rough, particularly when it's several of your close friends got closer to each other and farther from you while you were gone. Knowing it would occur doesn't make it any easier, nor less isolating.

In my experience, many of the people who I thought would be really excited to see me again didn't really seem to be upon our reunion, and the people with who I was just simple casual friends were the ones who were enthusiastic when I saw them for the first time in however many months. Which on the one hand, at least some people were overjoyed to see me, but on the other hand, having close friends of yours act "eh" about my return hurts a lot.

When people see you for the first time, it's usually "Hey! How was Berlin??," which is answered with something running along the lines of "Oh, it was great." This results in the person giving you an expectant or strange look, as they want more information. But, hey, fun fact, it's really hard to talk about or sum up four months of experiences in ten seconds. I started going with the "It was great. Learned a lot, saw a lot, but glad to be home," which tended to satisfy people's polite desires of inquiring about my time away.

However, beyond that, nobody really seems to be interested in hearing about what you did while you were abroad. I've almost stopped trying to talk about my time abroad entirely, because when I begin a story or sprout off a fact about life abroad, nobody really seems to care. Polite attention, slight nods and immediately jumping to say something new once I finish are the result. I can count on one hand the number of people I've been able to talk about my life and experiences abroad who have genuinely seemed interested.

Feeling isolated after studying abroad is incredibly normal and it sucks. It is a very draining thing to return home after a long time away only to find that many people don't really seem to care, and nobody wants to hear you talk about the amazing experiences and things that occurred. There were times over the summer where all I could really do was sit in my room alone and try not to cry because I missed Berlin, and felt guilty for not being happy at being home due to my isolation.

So, PSA, if you know someone who has returned from study abroad, show them a little extra love. Really listen when they talk about their time away. Understand that they probably feel isolated and alone, and make an effort to include them. Show how happy you are that they're back. It will help enormously and they'll appreciate it greatly.

I'm not going to delete or end this blog, as I'm leaning towards keeping it for when I travel in the future, and there may be more posts about Berlin to come. We'll see. Either way, thanks for sticking it out with me. Until the next adventure.

Love,
Sarah

Closing - Belated

There is no way to even come close to describe the range of emotions I am feeling in regards to my departure from Berlin and returning home. Living abroad, surrounded by another language, another culture and a city that was completely unknown to me at first, was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, and it's really weird to think that it's over, after spending nearly a year preparing for it and nearly four months actually doing it.

I traveled to six different countries, visited five German states and saw so much of Berlin. I've started learning a new language, and while I'm nowhere near fluent, I have the desire and the drive to keep going. I met countless people who have changed my viewpoint on the world, from brief public transportation encounters to a few minutes in a bar to an hour in a hostel to several months in a city that we both call home. I felt homesick to the point of sobbing and feeling completely alone, despite being surrounded by millions of people. I became an adopted member of a family who before I started living with them were complete strangers. I dealt with people who were frustrating and hard to be around. I became friends with Germans and Americans alike.

And now, it's truly hard to believe it is over and that I'm back to my "normal" life. Will I ever return to Berlin, or even Germany? As a vacation? Maybe. As a resident? Maybe. Who knows?

Small Details - To Be Continuously Updated

• Jerk of the U-Bahn/S-Bahn/tram/bus as it starts to pull away from the station
• Slowly roasting döner in the window of many a restaurant
• Seeing the TV tower everywhere in the city no matter how far from the center you are
• Feeling the wind whipping through your hair at Tempelhof
• Bright yellow of the BVG transport
• Beginning to prefer sparkling to still water
• Learning as much as possible about your new city, its history and its secrets. 
• Forming a friendly but language-limited friendship with the man who runs the sandwich shop next door, as you try and both communicate in German.
• The whoosh of the trains as they pass through stations
• Eleven flights of stairs between the U-Bahn station and your apartment. 
• Laughing at various aspects of the city that make it Berlin
• Adjusting your public transport route to get around issues such as strikes, police action removing a half-naked man from the roof of a major station, and other hindrances
• Frequenting the bakery around the corner for cheap but delicious pastries and always being the recipient of the baker's constant patience and friendliness despite the language barrier
• Loving public transportation and the everyday commute, for the people-watching, the time to think, and the constant sense of adventure and movement
• Becoming close with your host mom over regular chats over cups of jasmine tea
• Learning to navigate around the city without any hesitation
• Traveling on your own for the first time and experiencing how wonderful it is
• Making fast friends with strangers or friends of friends who restore your faith in humanity. 
• Becoming addicted to German candy.
• Random conversations with strangers who you will never see again but cause you to see the world in a different view.
• Improving in German everyday just by hearing it
• Morning crepes with host family
• Being so homesick you think you might just completely give up. 
• Regularly going to a local bar/cafe that is quiet but wonderful atmospherically. 
• Playing with your host brother after his initial hesitance regarding you wears off.
• Knowing what to pack for nearly four months in a single suitcase and backpack. 
• Transforming a strange new place into a city that you love fiercely
• Adapting so quickly to life abroad, you're not quite sure how it happened
• Fostering an appreciation for new food and drink
• Passing three doner shops on the way home
• Eating food from different cultures every day
• The smell of fresh flower shops everywhere
• Cheap street vendors at the city center
• Brandenburg Gate, Tiergarten, Reichstag, and the TV tower at at night
• Variety of street art - from basic to masterpiece
• Picking up pieces of conversations from street corners and signs

Top Twenty Moments of Studying Abroad

In No Particular Order....

1. Exploring the Royal Library in Copenhagen.
2. Walking down the Unter den Linden at sunset from Alexanderplatz to the Victory Column and climbing on a Soviet tank. 
3. Eating a delicious quiche in a quiet Amsterdam courtyard with two good friends and a Banksy work behind us. 
4. Speeding down the autobahn at nearly a hundred miles an hour.
5. Playing ping-pong in a bare-bones hole in the wall bar with native Berliners.
6. Climbing to the top of Our Savior Church in Copenhagen on a beautiful Saturday morning. 
7. Helping repaint the Vaterland mural on the East Side Gallery with artist Günther Schaefer. 
8. Ordering a three-liter tap of beer with friends, old and new, at a bar in Kreuzberg. 
9. Seeing the city explode with life with the advent of spring. 
10. Sitting on the Dingli cliffs drinking a beer and overlooking the beautiful Mediterranean with a new friend.
11. Wrestling and playing with my youngest host brother.
12. Racing public transport - U-Bahn vs. Bus
13. Sitting on the top of my friend's houseboat in Amsterdam with three friends from home, eating fresh fruit, snacks and sandwiches in the sun on a beautiful day. 
14. Spending the day with a friend and his fascinating hostparents exploring the Teufelsberg NSA Listening Post, wandering around Wannsee, and petting a cat for first time in two months.
15. Commuting regularly on the S-Bahn, U-Bahn, trams and buses. 
16. Feeling the weight of memory and history when visiting the Soviet War Memorial on the 75th anniversary of World War II's end in Europe. 
17. Wandering Mauerpark market and listening to street performers
18. Regular talks over jasmine tea with my host family.
19. Taking a boat ride to the Blue Grotto in Malta, and absorbing the beauty of the Mediterranean. 
20. Seeing a friend for the first time in four years and exploring Berlin together for May Day weekend.

A Semester in Statistics

6 countries visited
5 German states visited
12 cities visited
8 U-Bahn lines ridden
10 S-Bahn lines ridden
12 plane rides

2 long-distance bus rides
1 international train ride

4 boat rides
112 days from home
3 2/3 months away
8 reunions with old friends
6 new friends made

2 visits to the Berliner Dom

10 visits to Mauerpark

15 books read

24 walks down Unter Den Linden

4 papers 

5 exams

5 classes

10 cats petted

1 fauxhawk

27 fellow students
1 wonderful host family
2 colds suffered

1 opportunity to paint on the Berlin Wall
8 packages
35 letters and postcards from home
1 Mediterranean sunset
81 postcards collected
32 buttons and pins purchased
12 photos from home

1 international haircut

505 miles walked

3841 stairs climbed
1,148,254 steps

1 football game
40 cups of Yorkshire tea
5000+ photos taken

58+ blog posts

168 Instagram posts

200+ cups of tea with my host mother
5 times in the final round of around the world ping pong
Immeasurable city bus, train, underground and tram rides
Numerous tears due to homesickness
Countless laughs, smiles and memories

Hostfamilies and Homecoming

It's hard to believe how much has occurred in the week since I've last posted. So many things have happened and it's mind-boggling to think back about where I was seven day ago.

I closed my last weekend in Berlin with my good friend from the program, as it was his last full day there. We met up and went to Mauerpark one last time, where I bought a final pair of earrings, made of fuses. We saw a strange site, which was a mime dressed in orange construction overalls who kept stopping traffic to perform various acts such as falling on stopped cars and somersaulting on the street. Following that, we went to our favorite cafe and had a few drinks while also playing ping-pong one last time. He kicked my ass, of course, but I did improve slightly. Then we went to the city center and visited the Berliner Dom, him for the first time, me for the second. We climbed to the top of the dome and soaked in our last views of the city all around us.

Afterwards, we headed out to Wannsee (which included my friend basically shoving me into the S-Bahn in order to get on the train in time), in the southwest of Berlin for his farewell dinner with his hostfamily. It was quite lovely, as his host parents and their son are very kind and fascinating to talk to, as I've mentioned before. They gave both of us farewell presents, him a book, and a tote bag, and myself a cookie cutter in the shape of the Berlin bear. I was also given a legitimate piece of the Berlin Wall which they, themselves, had chipped off. All in all, it was a wonderful night. I heard stories about my friend's host mother's uncles who fought in World War I (not a typo, you read that right), and all sorts of other tales. I bid them farewell and commuted home with their son, who was fascinating in his own right, and quite funny.

The next day, I awoke early and went to the airport to see my friend off on his flight. Neither of us are sure when we'll see each other again, since I'm from Ohio and him from Texas. However, his brother does live near me, so there's a chance that it'll happen. But either way, I was still quite sad to see him go, as we'd been through quite a bit together and gotten into some excellent shenanigans across Berlin.

Afterwards, I went to Nordbahnhof, an S-Bahn station, where there was an exhibit on ghost stations during the time of the Wall, a topic that has fascinated me for long time. It had been closed since I'd arrived in Berlin due to construction on the tracks, but finally opened in time for me to see it. It was short but pretty interesting. I finished the exhibit, dodged wet paint, grabbed some final souvenirs (read: chocolate and Haribo) and headed home to finish packing before I was set to meet my local friend to say goodbye. I met her at her house, as she wasn't feeling well, and we had cake and hot chocolate, and then went out into the courtyard and lay in the hammocks, talking for a while. Eventually, it was time to say goodbye and we exchanged hugs and well-wishes.

Following that, I had decided that I wished to visit the Soviet War Memorial at Treptower Park, which was only a few bus stops from my friend's house. However, I managed to board the bus in the wrong direction, and stayed on it until the very end, resulting in me being stuck for about a half hour in the very south-east of Berlin until the next bus ran. So, basically, a thirty minute adventure turned into two hours, but I did get to see parts of Berlin I hadn't before, so that was a positive. Once the long two bus rides concluded, I once again misnavigated, and went in the wrong direction before finally discovering the war memorial.

This memorial is one of the most impressive, and is quite massive. It's extremely communist in nature, as one would expect, but fascinating to look at. I meandered the area for about thirty minutes before calling it a day and heading home via my last S-Bahn ride. Once home, I had a wonderful final dinner with my host family, who gave me several bags of Haribo candy and a container of jasmine tea, which I regularly enjoyed drinking with them in the mornings and evenings. It was a wonderful quite weekend, with a neighbor who I had met before stopping in as well. My youngest host brother even was willing to sit on my lap and we played a little before he had to go to sleep.

I awoke the next day at two in the morning, having slept about three hours and was unable to fall back asleep, resulting in staying up until five when I was supposed to have woken up. My host parents drove me to the airport in a neighbor's carpenter van and bid me a heartfelt farewell after I checked in. I maanged not to start crying when they left which was an accomplishment for me, as for the past month I had been prone to tearing up regularly when I thought about leaving them and Berlin.

I went through security smoothly, despite the fact that they made me pull out every single electronic device I had with me, including my laptop, my e-reader, my iPod, my external hard drive and my camera. After sitting for about an hour and a half, I finally boarded, only to find someone was sitting in my picked window seat. However, she was part of a group of about fifteen German students and her friend was in the aisle seat next to her, so I said I didn't mind switching with them, as I was traveling along. The switch put me in the middle of the aisle row, between two more members of the group who clearly wished to sit together, so I switched once more with one of them, so that they were sitting next to each other and I was on the other side of the aisle row.

However, my karma paid off, and the seat next to me was never filled, giving me space to stretch out during the nine hour flight. The flight passed by fairly slowly, so I snoozed, watched Game of Thrones, read Game of Thrones, and viewed the Imitation Game, which was excellent and I highly recommend it. I also had the most delicious airplane food in the world, which was Air Berlin's pasta. I don't know what was in it, but it was extremely good.

Eventually, we landed in Chicago and after clearing customs without any investigative questions about my whereabouts for the past four months, I was once again in America. As I stood in line for my second round of security screening, I was overwhelmed with the amount of conversations around me that I could understand and had a desire to talk to almost anyone. Going through security quickly quelled that urge and after grabbing an Auntie Anne's pretzel as my first food back in the States, I found my gate and attempted to start processing everything that had been happening.

After discovering that my cell phone wasn't working and wifi was spotty, I coughed up a dollar and used a payphone to phone home and reassure my mother that I was alive and well. Eventually, I also got the wifi to connect and reactivated my cell, promptly receiving a flood of text messages from friends and family who were all demanding to know my condition, which kept me busy until my flight departed several hours later.

The jump home was a quick, and soon I found myself pressed to the window, scouring the view for my first glimpse of my city's skyline in four months. Eventually, the skyscrapers loomed into view and I nearly cried of happiness and relief. After landing, I raced through the concourse and ran, crying, to my mom and grandmother who were waiting for me near the baggage claim.

And honestly, that's about where this story ends. I'm typing this from my summer apartment at school, which I moved into yesterday. I've been reunited with several friends, and today will see my partner for the first time since January.

I'm going to post summary entries and aftermath entries, dealing with topics such as reverse culture shock soon, so stick around.

Ampelmann, Academics and Abendessen

Greeting and salutations, friends, family and loved ones. Look at me go. I'm back on track with writing, only to have my time here be rapidly closing. So, here we go with the summary of the last two days plus a random story.

Friday was spent at my program's study center for our final meeting, which involved paperwork to officially note our departure from Berlin, evaluations upon evaluations for the program and my host family, discussions on the highlights, lowlight and advice to future students, and a small "graduation" ceremony.

The ceremony consisted of all twenty-seven of us crammed into one of the classrooms, and each taking turns stepping up and being pinned with the Ampelmann, after stating why we had earned the right to have the little green man.

I don't think I've ever actually explained the Ampelmann, so let me clarify what it is. He is the crossing symbol, so red or green, for East Germany. After reunification, he hit cult status, and now is a popular symbol for Berlin, or East Germany in general. It's quite common to see keychains, bags, and more items with him (or her) in various forms throughout the city.

The logic behind pinning all of us with him was to symbolize our experience of "going" and constantly saying yes to new experiences, memories, people and food while we were here. Some stated that they deserved the pin for reasons such as living alone for the first time, traveling outside of the states for the first time, learning a language, learning that they liked ballet after drunkenly attending the performance in Prague, and more. I stated that I deserved the Ampelmann because I had gone from being an object of curiosity and uncertainty for my younger host brother, to an adopted member of the family who is free to tickle and play with him at all times. So, here is a gratuitous photo of me with my Ampelmann.

Afterwards, my friend and I headed out to Charlottenberg where we had lunch with his host parents, hostbrother and the hostbrother's girlfriend at a cafe run by a Vermont woman and her German husband, both of which were extremely kind and friendly. I had a delicious pot pie and mango ice cream, both of which were homemade. Yum.

Once we'd stuffed ourselves full of food, we took a walk around the palace gardens surrounding the Charlottenberg palace. My friend and I had been there already, but had never been in the mausoleum that lies within the garden and is the resting place of two kings and their wives. It's an impressive building and the reclining figures of each of the figures are especially interesting.

My friend and I soon bid everyone else farewell, and headed back into the city center, where we went to KaDeWe, the department store in Berlin, once again. There, we wandered the uppermost level, which was food, and laughed at the various things we found. The "American" section was fairly amusing, and fun fact, you can buy PopTarts there for nearly nine euros. Following that, we went to my program's final Stammtisch in a biergarten in Wedding. It was nice enough, and fairly relaxed, although not everyone showed as some people had already left the city to continue traveling.

Once the garden closed, the group decided to go to a Korean karaoke bar nearby. There was a cover charge to get into the nearly empty place, plus you had to buy a drink on top of it, so I spent nine euros on the wonderful experience of listening to others sing and dodging people bugging me to sing, all with a fairly average rum and coke in hand. Eventually, after about an hour, I left and headed home, as it was after midnight. I headed home and crashed for the night.

Which brings us to yesterday, or Saturday. I spent most of the day writing my final architecture paper and procrastinating on said paper. However, at around five thirty, I finished and emailed it to my professor, officially closing my academic semester abroad. Then, in the evening, my host family had my farewell dinner with myself and a friend. It was really nice, and filled with delicious food. They made shepards pie, salad, cake, and a raspberry sauce, plus one of their friends who I was acquainted with also gave them an appetizer and a cake for the occasion as well.

It was truly lovely, and my younger host brother did not end up crying once during the dinner which was a rare occurrence. He sat on my immediate right and the two of us hit a new level in our relationship as we started swapping food, with him throwing bread he didn't want on my plate, dropping chocolate cake crumbs on the table cloth that he wanted me to eat, and demanding some of my soda to drink. It was pretty amusing.

Afterwards, my friend and I went out probably for our last time together, and grabbed a drink at a nearby bar that we frequent. For the first hour or so we were stuck outside due to the lack of tables and the weather was miserable with constant rain, dark and cool with some wind. However, it was nice to watch the city while my friend and I discussed "senior superlatives" for the people within our program. We decided that I was judged to be "most dependable," and that he was most likely to return to Germany/continue with German. After a few drinks (okay, one), we called it a night and parted ways, as he had to return home and start writing his final paper. Hehe.

Which leads me to where I am today. It's early morning here and the sun through my thin curtain woke me up at seven, which is fine. I'm sitting in bed typing this out and looking around my room which is slowly becoming barer and barer as I'm packing. My suitcase is in the corner along with most of my stuff as I slowly stuff it all in. Right now, my concern is weight not space, so it's fairly annoying, but I'll figure it out.

Today (or in the next coming days), I hope to go to Mauerpark one last time, grab chocolate and Haribo gummies from the grocery store, visit the Berliner Dom and Alexanderplatz one last time, stop by Nordbahnhof (train station) to view their exhibit on ghost train stations, and visit Treptower Park. And, of course, pack and write more blog posts about my experience here.

And finally, I close with the small story that occurred a while ago. One day, a week or so ago, I returned home at the same time as my host mother and my younger host brother. We had walked into the building through separate but opposite doors at the same time. The minute my younger host brother saw me, he stated with an indignant tone, "Was machst du hier!?" which means "What are you doing here?!" I was actually able to understand what he said and replied in just as indignant tone, "Ich wohne hier!" which meant "I live here!" It doesn't sound like much but it was pretty amusing and I'm happy I was able to know what he said.

That's all for now. I can hear my host brother making siren noises in the kitchen. More later as always promised. Tschüss!