Not Always Rainbows and Puppies

Studying abroad is an opportunity of a lifetime, and it's something that I would never pass up. I appreciate every single second of being here and am trying to make the most of it. But, as with anything, there are times where I hit the wall and want nothing more than to be home again. It's tough leaving everything and everyone familiar behind.

Sure, I'm in the land of great beer, a fascinating language, wonderful engineering, and many more stereotypes and experiences. Berlin is brilliant, and I'm constantly busy exploring it. My peers are nice and we have fun. My hostfamily is sweet as can be and we get along splendidly. However, it's hard to be around people who don't know you as well as your family or your closest friends. I find myself craving to talk to people who know me best, but, when I do, it feels like our connection is off. It's hard to describe everything going on here, while listening to what goes on at home, and trying to balance both simultaneously.

People at home are busy, just like I am here, and I understand that. But there are many times, even only two weeks in, where I feel completely forgotten by them, like I don't even exist. I realize that's not anyone's intention, that people are occupied, and that I'm not on everyone's (or even anyone's) mind 24/7 but not being on campus or even in Ohio is frustrating beyond belief in so many ways.

I think that's one of the most terrifying things about being away. The lives of others don't freeze or go into stasis. They move forward, as does yours, and often enough, in directions that you're not even aware of. I'm scared of what will happen at home while I'm abroad. It's been a fear since I signed up to leave, and it hasn't eased in the slightest since I've arrived.

Sorry for the downer post, but this blog isn't always going to be chipper tales of my adventures, as I want it to be an honest account of these four months. Right now, I'm exhausted, angry, sick, lonely and extremely homesick so I'm going to go to bed and hope that I feel better in the morning.

Gute nacht.